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Welcome to Pascal Desmond's Play page
Winner of Third Prize in the annual Poetry Slam at the Spotlight Club, Lancaster, June 2003. I sang 3 parodies. More Pelvis Farcely
Two-hundred and twelve per cent per annum inflation... or your money's worth a third what it was last yearTune: John Denver's "Country Roads"
Almost heaven, South Rhodesia ZANU PF, Zambesi River, Life is cheap there, cheaper than poached ivory Farmers on their tractors, drinkin' in Wankie
Chorus: Cecil Rhodes, take me home, To the place, I belong West Zimbabwe, mountain coffee Take me home, Cecil Rhodes
largest bank note 500 dollars pint of beer six hund' fifty Beer is dear there, dearer than largest bank note Robert Mugabe he won't get my vote
Chorus
Roll of 1 ply toilet paper costs 1000 Zimbabwe dollars seventy two sheets in one roll of paper save 280 dollars use 72 10 dollar bills
Chorus
Background note: there is a town in Zimbabwe called Wankie Thank you Roger... and keep well **** Two songs by Pelvis FarcelyI introduced these by reminding the audience that no Spotlight Poetry Slam could be complete without considering Elvis's last known movements, that the drugs found on the bathroom floor were laxatives, and that if George 'Adolf' Bush and Tony 'Benito' Blair said Elvis is dead, then truly the man is alive and pumping gas in Tallahassee [click here to download a PDF about how Dubya's grandfathers bankrolled the Nazis... allegedly]. Lewis Grizzard, the humorist, inspired these 'songs'. Tune: "Always on my mind"
Maybe I took much too long seated on the john Maybe I ate my burgers overcooked and plain wrong barbie sauce was just the dog's bollox you know they tasted divine
Burger bit undigested Burger bit undigested
Maybe I didn't chew you quite as hard as I should have Maybe I didn't masticate as much as I could have Freedom Fries were swallowed much too big I just never took my time
Burger bit undigested Burger bit undigested ****
It took me a good few seconds to recall this tune. I thought I had blown it. Tune: "Lonesome tonight"
Are you bound up tonight, with a bowel full of shite? Will it ever let you let off a fart? Does your memory stray with the force of the strain and induce a seizure of your heart Does the bowl in the toilet seem empty and bare Does the strain in your ass make you pull out your hair Is your heart filled with pain, as your ass will not drain Tell me dear, are you bound up tonight?
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Copyright © 2003 Pascal Desmond |